Happy Wednesday, friends.
I was pretty surprised to receive an email on Sunday titled ‘Instagram argument’ 😱. A reader was writing to me about this post specifically, I could feel my heart beating a little faster and my temperature rising in anticipation of opening the email.
Arguments are tricky. Do I attend this argument I am invited to? Do I press delete, walk away and pretend nothing happened?
How do you tend to react when confronted with an argument? How do you choose whether it is worth the battle?
We are wired for empathy.
Sipping my morning coffee I opened the email. I wanted to better understand my reader with the curiosity to feel into their world, to listen to and respect their truth without judging it, without trying to eliminate it, without trying to change it. Knowing that however my reader feels is true to them.
A crazy little thing called…
Empathy is one of those things that, in this world at least, appears to be in short supply, although it is a capability we all have. It is the ability to see other perspectives, understand someone else’s point of view, and act with compassion. We all crave connectedness and it seems our brains are hard-wired to mirror others’ experiences.
Empathy is not just a way to extend the boundaries of your moral universe. It’s a habit we can cultivate to improve the quality of our own lives and the lives of everyone around us.
This is not easy. But it is powerful. It is powerful to empathize, to create a space for someone that lets them be exactly who they are, that lets them feel fully heard and understood.
How can I expand my own empathic potential?
Here are three ways to cultivate more empathy:
1. Practice presence.
If you feel constantly scattered and preoccupied, you’ll have no capacity to consider others’ perspectives or think clearly. You’ll be in defensive and reactive mode constantly, which is the antithesis of empathy. You’ll be too caught up in your own stuff!
Even five minutes to simply ground yourself every day is a good start. And when you start to see the results in how you handle conflict, see another’s perspective and act with compassion, the results will speak for themselves.
Here are some mindfulness practices you can try for five or 10 minutes a day to see what works best for your personal style. Schedule the time in your calendar and hold it sacred:
Sit in silence and notice where your mind goes
Meditate (whatever that means to you)
Breathe deeply and slowly, focusing on your exhalations and inhalations
Journal
Walk, stretch or take a quick jog
2. Listen more, talk less.
The first step is to practice presence enough to be still and in the moment, but the next step is true engagement. Presence can be somewhat passive, but empathy requires you to actively listen and hear what is going on for someone else. You cannot do this if you are talking all the time. Instead of always charging in with, “This is what I think you should do,” ask for input and reflect on the response you receive.
Let people vent, talk, and express themselves before you jump in with your responses. Don’t chomp at the bit waiting for your turn to speak; pay attention to the information you’re being given. Doing so will give you access to a wealth of insight.
3. Stay curious.
A natural openness helps us understand the world from multiple perspectives.
It’s easier to empathize when you are similar or when you share things in common with another person. But is it perhaps more important and beneficial when your empathy lets you see something different than your own view and so you learn from another perspective. Empathizing may not change your mind, but it can help you appreciate others and connect in new ways.
While reading the email I also felt an immense sense of joy. A reader is taking the time out of their day, to write to me and share their perspective with me! How amazing is that?
There’s a saying that goes ‘A tall tree attracts the wind’, well for just a moment I felt like a grand tree dancing in the wind ☺. Way to start the day.
✨ Upcoming Events
This Friday 10/02 @ 9AM EST: Group Coaching Call with Louise Heite
October Goal Setting - set goals and stick to them effectively.
Develop a strategy to optimize your efforts.
How to set boundaries with yourself and people around you, to keep you focused and properly manage your time.
Friday 10/09 @1PM EST: How To Create Balance & Find Your Purpose Workshop with Louise Heite
How to nourish yourself to move into a grounded & empowered state
How to detach from external validation & feel full
How to release your ego & discover your true purpose
As always, I am rooting for you, and appreciate you! Have a sweet & soulful week. 💛
~ @louiseheite, Founder, LifeActivated, Specialist Coaching for Women
Dare to believe the whispers in your ear, that you might be special, that you might be meaningful, that one day you might change the world. It's us you see, the ones who listen, that will change everything. – Atticus